I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
