hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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