He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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