Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
