dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
