I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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