What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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