8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
