how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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