Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize