i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
