and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
