I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize