if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
