God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You took a bar mat shot.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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