Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
