my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
