I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize