Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize