A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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