I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Small penises have feelings too.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
