cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
