I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.