im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
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Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.