Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
