If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again