It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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