if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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