I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
