I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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