if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
