but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
