Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
