In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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