you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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