goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
