im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Come see our sink grown plant.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
