I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
there is puke in my bra ... again
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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