You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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