Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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