i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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