just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
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I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN