Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.