It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
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You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.