yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
