I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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