Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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