I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
