when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
