You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
