Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
