He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
