I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
