That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize