So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
