I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They took my balls.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
