she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
