Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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