its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
