i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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