Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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