On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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