how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
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Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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