Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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