So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
